bambina writes

Blue Velvet, Green Porno

Because the sex life of humans isn't half as fascinating, here comes Isabella Rossellini writing, directing and starring in a series of short films called Green Porno, about the mating rituals of insects.

Oh yeah, and she's the man.

According to Twitch

Green Porno is a series of very short films conceived, written, co-directed by and featuring Isabella Rossellini about the sex life of bugs, insects and various creatures. The films are a comical but insightful study of the curious ways certain bugs “make love”. “Green” echoes the ecological movement of today and our interest in nature, and “Porno” alludes to the racy ways bugs, insects and other creatures have sex, if human, these acts would not be allowed to be screened or air on television, considered instead as most filthy and obscene.

Each film is executed in a very simple childlike manner. They are a playful mixture of real world and cartoon. Each episode begins with Isabella speaking to the camera “ If I were a…(firefly, spider, dragonfly etc.). She then transforms into the male of the species explaining in a simple yet direct dialogue the actual act of species-specific fornication. The costumes, colorful sets and backdrops as well as the female insects contribute to the playfulness of the films. The contrast of this “naïf” expression and filthy sex practices adds to the comicality of Green Porno.

Green Porno is an experiment specifically conceived with the third screen, namely cellular screens, computers and ipods.

Makes me wonder... was Isabella Rossellini this bizarre before or after she met David Lynch?

Kiss and Tell

It's February, so V-Day must be just around the corner, in between Chinese New Year and the last day of the shortest month of the year. 

So it's a virtual crimson tide, with red-themed Valentine's Day lore and trivia flooding all media, not to mention Hallmark card racks.  Jezebel has an interesting post about kissing through the eyes of science.

A new study from Lafayette College examined key hormones in 15 couples before and after they kissed and before and after they talked to each other while holding hands. The researchers expected oxytocin (bonding) levels to rise and cortisol (stress) levels to fall. But the oxytocin levels rose only in the males. Chicks need more than a kiss and some hand-holding to bond! Still, stress-levels dropped for both sexes. Making out is the new (old) yoga!

Cold hard facts aren't quite enough to dampen the hotness of kissing, at least not for me, but a slobbering kiss is a definite deal-breaker.  As my friend Anne says, "Kissing is CRITICAL! There's nothing worse though than a bad kisser - you can't expect the sex to be great if he can't kiss!"

Hmmm, explains a lot!

She also believes men who are bad kissers are basically drowning in major psychological issues - "Never underestimate how the lack of (a critical) skill can diminish one's general character."

Hmmm, explains even more!

Facebook clearly doesn't take psychological issues into account when it devises all its cute little pop quizzes.  Just answer eight simple multiple choice questions and you'll find out What Kind of Kisser Are You, How Good a Kisser Are You, What Kind of Lover Are You, What Is Your Ideal Lover, What Type of Person Do You Attract and even How Long Can You Last!

So apparently it turns out that...

I'm "The Passionate Kisser"!

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Who cares - who needs Romeo when you kiss like you're about to go to war. You take life and seize it - which is exactly what you do to your partner. Ever made out for so long that your lips get chapped? Of course you have.

AND

I'm a loving kisser

You kiss your partner only if you love them. There is no half-assed pecks with you, you bring the heat. Can you feel the love tonight?

AND

I'm "The Flirt"!

You're playful in bed - you have the somewhat unique ability to realize that sex is fun. Which is good because you didn't freak out when your partner farted that one time. Sometimes you tease, sometimes you go right at it - but your style differs depending on the mood you're in, and how boring your partner is. And you probably have tried some toys.

BUT

I need "The Animal"!

Dark alley. Attractive stranger. Club beat thumping faintly in the background. Sound hot? That's because you want someone who will take you anytime, anywhere. Someone who will rip your clothes off before you can demand that they rip your clothes off. Someone who will make you forget your own name because you're too busy screaming theirs in ecstasy. Whew. Is it getting hot in here?

Wow, I've learned more about myself from Facebook than fifteen years of marriage! Hahaha!  all that's left to do is to put what I've learned into regular practice...