Going Through a (Phase)Book

With apologies to my friend Jami, for shamelessly stealing his Facebook status!

The "is" is no longer. After insistent lobbying by irritated Facebookies, the "is" in the status updates has been dropped. If the Midget were on Facebook, her profile page would probably have the following status updates during a normal one-week period:

Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is feeling royal.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has triumphed again and vows to crush the destabilizers.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has the bishops in her pocket.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has the congressmen in her pocket.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has the AFP in her pocket.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is dancing the Cha-cha.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo truly believes God is telling her what to do.

The rest of her News Feed could include the following:

Gloria and Sabah Al-Ahmad Al-Sabah are now friends.
Gloria and Elizabeth Windsor are now friends.
Gloria and Juan Carlos Borbon are now friends.
Gloria and Sofia Borbon are now friends.
Gloria and George W Bush are now friends.
Gloria and Enrique Razon are now friends.
Gloria and Miriam Defensor-Santiago are now friends.
Gloria and Hermogenes Esperon are now friends.
Gloria and Gaudencio Rosales are now friends.
Gloria and Ruel Pulido are now friends.

Gloria has 190 friends in Congress.
Gloria has 10 friends in the Senate.

Gloria has joined the group University of Alcala Fan Club.
Gloria has joined the group Devotees of Nuestro Señor El Santo Niño de Lubao.
Gloria has joined the group I Abolished the Death Penalty and Won an Audience with the Pope and a Medal Too.
Gloria has joined the group Lulli Arroyo Internet Brigade.

Gloria has left the group We Believe in People Power.
Gloria has left the group Pulse Asia.
Gloria has left the group Social Weather Station.

Gloria ignored a request from Sonny Trillanes.
Gloria ignored a request from Alan Peter Cayetano.
Gloria ignored a request from Ping Lacson.
Gloria ignored a request from Corazon Aquino.
Gloria ignored a request from Ricky Carandang.
Gloria ignored a request from Oscar Cruz.
Gloria ignored a request from Fidel V Ramos.
Gloria ignored a request from Joe de Venecia.
Gloria ignored a request from Philip Alston.
Gloria ignored a request from Jojo Binay.

Gloria added the Booze Mail application.
Cerge Remonde sent Gloria a brandy.
Sergio Apostol sent Gloria a brandy.
Ben Abalos sent Gloria a brandy.
Toting Bunye sent Gloria a brandy.
Gloria sent Joseph Estrada a scotch.

Gloria added the Free Gifts application.
Gloria sent Ben Evardone a P500,000 paper bag.
Gloria sent Luis Villafuerte a P500,000 paper bag.
Gloria sent Boy Nograles a P500,000 paper bag.
Gloria sent Edcel Lagman a P500,000 paper bag.
Gloria sent Ed Panlilio a P500,000 paper bag. Ed Panlilio returned his free gift.

Gloria started a group The Philippines in the First World by 2020.
Gloria started a group In Power Beyond 2010.

Gloria ignored a request from the group Mar Roxas for President in 2010.

Gloria joined the cause Let's Move On and donated 2 discs.

Gloria added the What Kind of OFW Are You? application.
Gloria is Lavandera. You like to launder everything away and present a squeaky clean image.

Gloria added the What Kind of Superhero Are You? application.
Gloria is ElasticMan. You like to stretch everything, especially the truth and statistics.

Gloria added the What Kind of Dictator Are You? application.
Gloria is Napoleon. You believe that it is your divine right to rule, but your thirst for power masks your insecurities regarding your physical and moral stature. You are also a flaky pastry.

I'm counting on Manuel Buencamino to make up her mock Facebook page, like this brilliant one of Thabo Mbeki below. (Click on the image to enlarge)

Comments

[mlq3]

but she's there already~

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1017697197

[manuelbuencamino]

a really funny post. and devastating. others needed thousands of words to say what you said in a series of zinging one liners. Wish I done it.

[Alex]

Hi Tita Bambina, this is Alex, Tita Malu's niece, in case you remember me. :) If not, well hello again, I'm reintroducing myself to you. My mom (Tina) linked me to your blog because she wanted me to see how you write. Well, first of all, I really just had to comment and say this is the funniest thing I have read in a while. This particular entry really had me smiling, laughing even, and I hope you don't mind if I show it to some friends. Secondly, and more of as a side comment than anything else, I also wanted to add that I really liked King Dork, and I adore Umberto Eco (have you read The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana? If you haven't yet, you should). Anyway, before this comment gets any longer than it already is, good luck with your writing and everything in between. See you soon, perhaps.

[jaseela]

good